Rest

I just need a place to vent my exhaustion tonight, if that even makes sense. After a week and a half of working with families trying to get their children out of Haiti, I'm just tired. And at the same time I feel so very selfish for even noticing my own exhaustion. It's not like I'm on the ground in Haiti experiencing the devastation first hand. I'm sitting comfortably in my office, albiet a lot more this past week and a half....just making phone calls and answering emails, trying to figure out what can be done from this end to get these children visas to come to the U.S.

The group of children I'm working with is small. Their adoptions have completed in Haiti. We and their waiting families are going through the proper channels and work IS being done in Port au Prince. It's just taking time.

Today I learned that one man...only one...has been processing orphan visas at the Embassy in PaP. While one could be angry with this reality, blaming the government for not having more personnel there, etc.. I was actually amazed at all this one man was able to do while he worked on his own...not only processing their paperwork, but going out to let the children in, being sure they had food and water as they waited...single handedly. That on top of the fact he must be dealing with his own losses...coworkers perhaps family...just the mere trauma around him. So rather than anger...I am in awe of this unrecognized hero. I hope that in the weeks or months ahead once he has a chance to rest that he is somehow recognized for his work in these first days after the disaster.

Part of my exhaustion comes from the ups and downs in the waiting. One minute we're unsure about the well being of the children, the next I'm on 24 hour call in case I need to jump on a plane to meet them as they enter the U.S. Thankfully the children are all well. And the 24 hour call is off for now. Maybe emotions can level out.

They can level out until I can allow the reality to sink in. In many ways this extra work is my way of not allowing myself to think of the enormity of what has happened, not to feel the effects. Yesterday, I learned that the office of the orphanage we work in collapsed...the staff is all dead. People who I never met, but who shared the same goal and loved and worked for the same children as I am....they are all just gone. And so a part of me pushes on to honor them, their lives and their work...to be sure that what was important to them, that these children find forever families..reaches completion.

While they may not have had dignity in death nor in their burial, may I can somehow help their work to have meaning for this group of children...no matter how small.

Rest in peace dear collegeaues...your work will be done.